Monday, March 29, 2010

Coming Up for Air

Over the past two years of my son’s illness, I’ve had moments of feeling like I was drowning. Thanks to God, my family and friends, I’ve been picked up and encouraged during these times. Now, with the positive changes I’ve seen in my son, I feel like I’m coming up for air.

It’s kind of funny when things start to feel normal again. You look around and see the damage after the storm, then you start to clean it up. That’s where I am today. I’m cleaning up after our storm.

I’m starting to put more focus on my other kids. My husband and I had a laugh when we realized that our youngest son had the most timeouts this week and that our middle son has had to work on his whining. It’s not like we have completely ignored our other kids, it’s just that our attention has been on more challenging behaviors. With our oldest son doing better, we can now put more attention on the smaller issues.

We’re now working with our therapist to help our moody son cope with anxiety and sensory issues. The first challenge is helping him overcome his fear of eating inside a Chipolte restaurant. With the metal interior and open kitchen, the poor acoustics make it an unbearable environment for my son.

I’m also starting to think about our son’s future in a positive light. I know that after all our son has been through, his self esteem has been bruised. I’m hoping that we can help him recognize his successes and see that he’s an amazing boy, even when he makes big mistakes.

I’m also hopeful that we can open up our world by making friends again and having playdates. I would love to see our son be invited to birthday parties again and for other kids to see his sense of humor. Better yet, I look forward to his brothers regaining their trust with our son and to build that brotherly bond.

Now just so you know, I’m being very optimistic. Our son is not healed, we have a lot of work to do in terms of behavioral issues and managing his illness. Even yesterday, he was kicked out of his bible study class for misbehaving. But for the first time in a while, I feel that he’s now teachable.

So now that we’re finding some stability, I’m looking forward to my children enjoying life more, getting along better and living without fear. I’m looking forward to little bit of normalcy, heck, I might even patch the hole in his door. But with all that I desire to “clean up”, I need to take my son’s advice and take it slow, as he said in his own words “Let’s just start with Chipolte.”


  1. I'm so glad I found your blog. Not that I want anyone else to be going through what I'm going through, but it sure is nice to know that I'm not the only one. Your thoughts and experiences are mine. My son is 9, too, and I have a 7-year-old son also. We're seeing his psychiatrist in the morning and if he can't help us quickly I don't know what we're going to do! Thank so much for sharing. I'll continue to follow your posts and I wish you the very best.

  2. Thanks so much for the great feedback, I'm touched that opening up my life can make others not feel so alone. As parents, the feeling of isolation can be overwhelming at times. I hope that your appointment is a success, I know that it is such a struggle to find stability in all this. Please feel free to use this blog as a way to vent yourself, I'll be reading all comments, and would love to give you support if you ever need it.
    Mama Bear