It wasn’t like he was upset about something or hurt, it was more like a computer that malfunctions and sends the wrong signals. Then, as fast as it came on, he would recover and move on. This same type of episode happened about 6 or 7 times yesterday in a 5 hour span. Each time he would run to me, with eyes begging for help, to make it go away.
Then late last night, when the last episode hit, he told me he was having bad thoughts. He said that he was thinking his parents didn’t love him anymore and that we were just pretending to. He knew that these were irrational thoughts, yet, they still took a hold of him. I immediately scooped him into my arms (even though he’s almost as tall as me) and told him how much we loved him and shared stories of our love, trying my best to fill his mind with good stuff, hoping to push out the bad.
When I tucked him back into bed, he shared that ever since the first episode that day, he was feeling sadness the entire time, it was only when the feeling was too strong to hold in that he would burst out into tears. With the exception of the final episode, where he was thinking we didn’t love him, he wasn’t thinking anything when the tears would hit, it was only a feeling.