Sunday, April 8, 2012

A Rage Changes Everything

I had already written tonight’s post, but everything changed.

After a great week and a wonderful Easter where I actually rested on “cloud 9”, we sat the kids down to go over the changes to the daily schedule and inspections due to their spring vacation starting on Monday. Unfortunately, everything fell apart when my son heard of the changes.

I’m just too tired to write every detail. But I can say that I’m actually surprised the neighbors didn’t call the police because of all the screams coming out of our open windows as my husband held our son down in a violent rage. Our son threatened to run away because we turned our home into a military school and was claiming that he was going to call the police so they could take him away.

As my husband held his kicking limbs and avoided his biting teeth, I calmly caressed his hair and told him that we loved him.

My younger boys huddled in their beds in the room next door and feared that their raging brother would come after them next.

After about 15 minutes, my raging son said with a weak breath, “Ok, I’m done” and within seconds he was in a deep sleep. I have to admit it was a little disturbing how quickly he went from a rage to a sound sleep.

I wish I could be delicate and articulate my feeling with grace tonight, but I don’t have it in me.

I hate this f-cking illness.


  1. I know how it hurts. Sending you prayers for strength, courage, and the miracle your son, you, and your family deserve.

  2. Hugs, prayers, positive thoughts, love and strength to you.

  3. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I don't. I do think you need to look at why he is raging though. Sometimes that can be mitigated and sometimes it can't. If it can, I'd look into making a compromise with your son that you both can live with.

    The behavior plans that doctors and therapists come up with are given with good intention but they don't always translate well into real life. You and your son are the ones that need to find a plan you both can live with. If he has a say in his plan, he will follow it much better and feel like he has some control in his life.

    1. Even more hugs! I agree with Meg, though. Behavior plans are not "one size fits all" And hopefully your psychiatrist will see that and help you develop one that will work (or work better) for you guys and your son.
      My husband laughed in family therapist's face when she first trotted out the "token economy" suggestion. We'd been there and done that without success. However as we've learned more, we've arrived at a modified token economy that is (so far) working very well for us. (Though it is still a source for some arguments.) But just because it is working well for us doesn't mean it would translate well to another family. It works well because it has been personalized--and modified as we go along and find out what works well and what doesn't.