We addressed the bullying with the school principal and today the school is going to look into it, but the stress was too much for my son to handle and he unfortunately took it out on us. At one point he cried out, “I can’t help it, it’s all because of what happened at school.”
I believe him.
He’s been doing so good lately. Just the day before I was hugging him in the kitchen and was telling him how proud I was of him. He’s become so much better at handling stress and making wise choices. But yesterday’s episode reminded me that he still has an illness inside and he’ll be struggling with this his entire life.
During the rage I became physically aware of something. My son is a lot stronger than his younger years, he’s almost 100 pounds (I’m 113) and now he’s as tall as me. This complicates things.
When he was younger I could pick him up during a rage, but that’s not possible now. As he got older we were advised to move him out of the house so he could cool off on his own, thus de-escalating the situation. This has worked like a charm, but now that he’s bigger, getting him outside has become extremely difficult. Yesterday it was almost impossible.
I’m concerned about this as he gets older. Soon we’ll have to remove the entire family and let him rage alone in our home. I have visions of my son locking us out for hours like he did last summer, or attacking the car if we try to drive away. None of this sounds good. Instead I hope that as he continues to mature, he’ll gain more self control and he’ll be able to deescalate without our enforcement. But yesterday reminded me that we’re not there yet.
After the rage was over my son fell asleep. The surge of chemicals ran their course and my son returned to me once again. It’s moments like these when I have to focus on all the progress we’ve made and know that the road ahead will still have some ups and downs. We’ve come a long way and one episode doesn’t take that away.