Thursday, April 16, 2015

A Week from Hell

Right now we’re deep in a valley and it’s hard for me to see the peaks ahead.

In the last week, my husband had his official last day of work after being laid off. My mom went into the ICU after a life-threatening infection and stroke that occurred at my house and on the same day, her sister, my dear aunt, went into the ICU after complications from her disease. After days at the hospital, I found out that I lost all my contract work that I was depending on to help my family because of a company’s new direction.

I don’t mean to be a complainer, I realize that others have it so much tougher, including my mom and aunt, but even so, it feels like my family is always in a state of crisis.

Can you relate?

It’s one tough thing after another and I feel so broken-hearted tonight.

It feels like I can’t catch my breath.

My job loss today wasn’t the worst of it, but following it, I drove around crying, sobbing more like it.

Why can’t my family get a break?

Haven’t we suffered enough?

How are we going to provide for our boys?

What stability will we be able to provide them under these circumstances?

And healthcare? My boys have a lot of doctors!

How can we help others that need it when we ourselves are falling apart?

Oh how I long to exhale and experience peace once again.

For months I’ve been drawn to a page out of Sarah Young’s book, Jesus Calling.

“Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon me, to trust me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life.”

I feel like God has been drawing me to this message for some time now. I have to admit, it has both comforted me and terrified me at the same time. Like God was preparing me for something very unpleasant. Almost like a warning. Like cliff notes to what lay ahead.

After this week, I can’t help but reflect on this passage once again.

I feel like many of my prayers have gone unanswered.

That nothing is happening in the time frame that I desire, I’m indeed having to learn to wait on God.

To depend on him entirely. 

We are living in the dark. There are no jobs in our sight. I see pain and suffering in those that I love. I am experiencing pain myself. 

I’m trying so hard to view my circumstances as a stage for God’s intervention.

I have to remind myself of this daily, if not hourly.

“Time is a trainer...”

Though I am grieving the week from hell tonight, I am going to wake up tomorrow and once again, choose to seek happiness. I don’t know if I will see it, but I will look long and hard for it. For God must have a plan for my family. And I am holding onto the belief that he will deliver us.


  1. I admire your courage. I can relate. Beauty and despair do not exist separately. Some days I allow myself to pretend that they do, but that is not reality. Thank you for showing me beauty in your hope today.

    1. "Beauty and despair do not exist separately." —Love this! Keeping my eyes open for the beauty, I know it's there.

  2. Prayers for you and your family! I admire that you are able to look for beauty in your situation. I am trying to hold onto my faith as we are in a huge valley with my son and nothing seems to be working for him. Our house feels like a combat zone as we all walk on eggshells. Thank you for reminding me to look for happiness!

    1. You’re not alone! I will pray for you tonight Michelle, the combat zone is so overwhelming, hang in there mama!

  3. I've been in a very similar place if intense trial and suffering. It felt like everything was closing in around us. I am so sorry to hear you are in a similar place. At the time I was so angry at God that I could have not accepted the truth behind the passage from Jesus calling. I was a former missionary and wife of a church staff member and I was SO angry! I've come out of that time so much stronger in so many ways. I pray it is the same for you.

    1. Thank you, I can relate to the anger, it can sneak up on you.

  4. Mama Bear's MILApril 17, 2015 at 8:04 PM

    During the darkest time of my life, you, my wonderful daughter-in-law, joined the Kingdom of God. Some of our darkest times can be rewarded with the happiest. God ALWAYS answers our prayers, just not always when or how we think they should be. His timing is always perfect and will be done to glorify Him. Just know that "He has you" and always will. When you go to sleep at night, you can know that He will be there to take care of you and your family's needs tomorrow. I love you.

    1. Thank you for reminding me of this truth mom! Love you too!